the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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