Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
