My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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