my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
