just come out here and I will go home with you...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
