Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hate all girls vehemently.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
