you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize