I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
