hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
