I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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