The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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