Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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