Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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