my phone needs a breathalizer
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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