dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
