I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
