Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
