Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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