$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
