Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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