I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
