I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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