I want to walk on stilts...naked
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
