it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
