Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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