I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
