shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
