i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
