Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
