I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
