I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
