I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
