We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
