Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
