Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize