Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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