Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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