Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
