Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
