Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
