OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
