My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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