Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
