At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
