If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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