My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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