I love black thongs
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
