47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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