How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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