Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
