Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize