Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
