If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
