you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
