I think my fart just growled at me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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