drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
