the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
