You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
