nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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