he puts the penis in happiness.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize