It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
