Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
