Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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