if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
