There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
