no, he came in my armpit
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Farmville is her only friend.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
