This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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