Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
