Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
