And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
