i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
