and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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