don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
