i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
