I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
