hell yes lets make some ravioli
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
