She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
