How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
